A is for......

 

A is for Anxiety......

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and if there's one secret I've been keeping is my struggle with anxiety. In 2017 and most of 2018, my anxiety has been probably one of my biggest enemies. For a big part of my life, my anxiety is something I've ignored. Anxiety slowly crept its way into my life and in 2017 it just became more prominent - it could not be ignored; Anxiety attacks became a weekly thing and although I am slowly learning how to control it, it still is there. There are days that I wake up and it feels like there’s a bag of bricks sitting on my chest or sometimes I’ll randomly have to run to the bathroom because I can feel an anxiety attack coming on. It has gotten easier to determine when my anxiety is about to take over and I’ve been able to figure out what helps or make it worse but like most I’ve always been scared to speak up about it or explain to someone what was going on - for fear of judgement and negative comments.

Yes, you read correctly - I am embarrassed of my current battle with anxiety. For me all of a sudden having an anxiety attack is embarrassing - especially since I was someone who has always been viewed as “the girl who’s got her stuff together.” There’s nothing more embarrassing than dating someone and being at a football game with all of his friends and coworkers and all of a sudden having to run to the bathroom because you’re about to have an anxiety attack and not being able to tell anyone - yes that happened to me and all I wanted to do was cry but I couldn’t. Also there’s nothing more embarrassing than being somewhere and all of a sudden get shortness of breath and feel the walls closing in and just having to close your eyes and count backwards. There are moments where my anxiety will wake me up in the middle of the night and I’m up tossing and turning for the rest of the night - feeling restless. Anxiety is more than just feeling worried or nervousness for no reason and I think people who don’t battle with anxiety and anxiety attacks can’t understand that. When it comes to anxiety attacks and panic attacks it is a constant battle but I refuse to let them overcome me or define me.

Mental Health is something that people look down upon - I am unsure why. I recently overheard someone comment on Kevin Love's battle with anxiety by saying: "Anxiety just isn't for emotionally unstable people?" And here's the truth, anxiety is more than just someone "overreacting". To whoever is struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone, I’m sure the person next to you is struggling with the same thing or something similar. The most important thing is to speak up - do not feel embarrassed. Embrace your uniqueness and be happy.

The stuff that have helped me are:

- the headspace app

- disconnecting from social media and just my phone in general

- counting backwards 

-breathing exercises

Feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel like you have no one you can relate to or to talk to.