A is for......

 

A is for Anxiety......

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and if there's one secret I've been keeping is my struggle with anxiety. In 2017 and most of 2018, my anxiety has been probably one of my biggest enemies. For a big part of my life, my anxiety is something I've ignored. Anxiety slowly crept its way into my life and in 2017 it just became more prominent - it could not be ignored; Anxiety attacks became a weekly thing and although I am slowly learning how to control it, it still is there. There are days that I wake up and it feels like there’s a bag of bricks sitting on my chest or sometimes I’ll randomly have to run to the bathroom because I can feel an anxiety attack coming on. It has gotten easier to determine when my anxiety is about to take over and I’ve been able to figure out what helps or make it worse but like most I’ve always been scared to speak up about it or explain to someone what was going on - for fear of judgement and negative comments.

Yes, you read correctly - I am embarrassed of my current battle with anxiety. For me all of a sudden having an anxiety attack is embarrassing - especially since I was someone who has always been viewed as “the girl who’s got her stuff together.” There’s nothing more embarrassing than dating someone and being at a football game with all of his friends and coworkers and all of a sudden having to run to the bathroom because you’re about to have an anxiety attack and not being able to tell anyone - yes that happened to me and all I wanted to do was cry but I couldn’t. Also there’s nothing more embarrassing than being somewhere and all of a sudden get shortness of breath and feel the walls closing in and just having to close your eyes and count backwards. There are moments where my anxiety will wake me up in the middle of the night and I’m up tossing and turning for the rest of the night - feeling restless. Anxiety is more than just feeling worried or nervousness for no reason and I think people who don’t battle with anxiety and anxiety attacks can’t understand that. When it comes to anxiety attacks and panic attacks it is a constant battle but I refuse to let them overcome me or define me.

Mental Health is something that people look down upon - I am unsure why. I recently overheard someone comment on Kevin Love's battle with anxiety by saying: "Anxiety just isn't for emotionally unstable people?" And here's the truth, anxiety is more than just someone "overreacting". To whoever is struggling with anxiety or depression, you are not alone, I’m sure the person next to you is struggling with the same thing or something similar. The most important thing is to speak up - do not feel embarrassed. Embrace your uniqueness and be happy.

The stuff that have helped me are:

- the headspace app

- disconnecting from social media and just my phone in general

- counting backwards 

-breathing exercises

Feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel like you have no one you can relate to or to talk to. 

Hello 27!

Oh I turn 27 today and I am feeling all sorts of emotions - happy, anxiety, and relief. Happy because I am excited to start a brand new chapter - chapter 27 and I am a tad bit anxious because I hate the feeling of the unknown and after chapter 26, I am unsure what to expect in chapter 27. At the same time I am feeling relieved because chapter 26 was a whirlwind. After chapter 26 I figured it was best for me to share with you the things I learned in year 26 and will make sure to bring with me into year 27.

Below are the 10 things I learned in year 26:
1) It is okay to not be okay.
2) Things happen for a reason
3) Not all friendships are permanent.
4) Sometimes a good playlist and a good cry is all you really need.
5) The importance of a morning and a night time routine.
6) Real friends will stick by your side, regardless of the situation.
7) It's the littlest things that matter.
8) At the end of the day, a hug and a good laugh is the best medicine - for anything.
9) Change is constant and you need to be able to adapt.
10) Love is the greatest thing ever.

Goodbye 2017

Dear 2017, 

You were definitely a difficult year. You might definitely be in the running for one of the worst years. This year I was tested - emotionally, mentally, and physically. You were filled with a lot of rocky moments - losing myself, my confidence, and my spark. You made me question everything; I had friendships end, I gave up on several things, and I dealt with a lot of mean people. You kicked me when I was down. Oh and anxiety - anxiety definitely got the best of me. I'll write more about my struggle with anxiety and what I do about it, later on.

2017, you weren't 100% bad though; because of the events that occurred during your 365 I had friendships begin, I had strangers believe me and motivate me. I found my spark again. I learned how to pick myself up. I learned that sometimes strangers have the best intentions. I learned that sometimes people you think are close to you, actually don't have the best intentions. I learned that as long as I believe in myself and love myself nothing can stand in my way. I learned how to pick myself back up. I learned what makes me happy. I will go into further detail about the things I've learned from 2017 and how I am taking that into 2018 to achieve my resolutions.

2017, although you were quite difficult, I will look at the positive, glass half full, and thank you for making me a better version of myself. Thank you 2017 for helping me learn and become into a stronger version of myself. Thank you 2017 for being an eye-opener. Although I am grateful to have learned from 2017, I am so ready to close the book of 2017 and start a new book, with 365 fresh empty pages.

Sincerely,
The girl who hopes to never repeat any of these events again